I’ve been an office worker now since 1997. Coming up to 9 years. I’ve worked for numerous companies, numerous industries, big, small, evil, charities, all sorts.

Highlights of my working career:

My first Christmas gift = $500 gift vouchers
My first bonus = $4,000
My second bonus = $3,000

Flying documents down to Canberra to be signed, as work knew I had friends there. Friend was out of town that day! Guy who signed papers indicted for fraud months later.

Planning an online gift shop – with a twist. Never launched, but lot’s of fun.

Admin role on the sports desk at Sunday Telegraph in London.

Goal kicking competition at advertising firm, prize 20 quid a goal. Got 2 from 3. Yay. 40 quid.

Laughing about the inability of the English cricket team, to someone I hadn’t met before in the Sports Desk area. He was not amused. He was the Editor of the paper.

Being questioned about my thoughts on the Royals by the Editor ‘as I was such a vocal Australia’, once I shared my thoughts, which he thought were reasonable assumptions, the Sports Editor informed me that Editor knew various Royals, and that the Editor’s father was a close associate of Thatcher (if my memory serve me correctly). Certainly someone reasonably high in the British food chain…

Free fresh fruit boxes & feminine hygiene products at one big corporation.

Receiving compliments from super rich toff client via my boss regarding my charming telephone manner.

Charity work on work time. A great invention.

Wonderful Christmas gifts from my American bosses.

All the fabulous people I have worked with.

Lowlights:

First job in London, as a receptionist, boss told me I should always wear skirts as I had great legs. He was old, a toff & vile. I asked him who was winning the cricket. It wasn’t England. He left me alone after that. Always wore trousers after.

Advertising company in London, they sold space in events publications. I knew I had to leave after yet another coked up loser sales guy complained that I hadn’t done his typing, and why? He hadn’t filled out most details (including a fax, contact name etc), I called him a f**king w**ker & not to give me crap due to his own inadequacies. Increase expletives ten fold. Managing Director standing right nearby. I didn’t care. Neither did the MD. Learnt the subtle art of bribery, necessary to maintain my sanity & to supplement my 16k salary. I cut deals with people – if the person calling had no contact details, I’d put them through to my preferred sales person and get a cut, work after 5.31pm & I charged the sales rep a fee (one drink minimum), any alterations to standard template required a bottle of wine & no attitude.

Being ‘replaced’ at one of my longer term jobs. I got to train her too. Yay. The replacement seemed fine, until she asked me how to set up files in the computer system. Was useless on the phone, avoided answering the team phone. She’d organised her hours to be 9 – 5 (everyone else did 8am – 6pm), she couldn’t use PowerPoint or Excel, she said that the bosses explained it was a low stress, easy job. Get off it dear bosses! She lasted 3 weeks. Went on stress leave. Never came back. They now have two people doing my job (and other work too).

Fresh fruit boxes being culled in cost cutting moves at big corporation. This actually made the financial newspapers as it showed how bad the markets were!

Harrods Christmas hamper – 200 quids worth of stuff, 90% of which I didn’t like or couldn’t eat. Give me cash or vouchers!!!

All the evil I have worked with & for.